I know that there are many things that we may think we already know. I think sometimes because, "oh I am finally a certain age" I should know all the answers, but surprise, surprise I am far from knowing anything. Actually, it's no big surprise, because truth is I know that at the end of the day I know nothing. Life is filled with surprises, and sometimes I think I have it all figured out and than BOOM it does not happen that way.
For example, I went on a blind date this week. I had it all pretty much under control, according to me. I had spoken to this guy a couple of times, I was like ok he seems down to earth. I had compared it to "MY LIST" (please note: I will make reference to this "LIST" again) so I was like he's pretty nice, funny, seems smart, not bad looking, of age and pretty normal. Yes, I had a generic list of qualities that I always look for. Come on, don't we all? I figured if I at least have a standard template of what qualities I am interested in then I will be at least weeding out the possibilities of meeting a crazy jerk.
No offense to the male population, sometimes our actions just give off as one of crazy jerk. I won't judge though. Dating, has not been in my agenda for a long time. And it's is because of the fear of having to meet some frogs that I have detained from even attempting to date. I have to say that I am extremely rusty, I won't even lie. After my first and last relationship, I realized how much I had to really focus on some areas in my life, and somehow blocked out the "dating" world for so long. I admit that this was not the best thing for me to do.
So what happens now I am 28, and still single. Don't get me wrong it's a bittersweet time in my life. I enjoy being single, I really do. I am not miserable and depressed at all. However, have my needs and priorities have now changed. SO very much they have. I am no longer seeing life, the way I used to see it. I have also learned so much about myself in my time alone, that I am also admitting to myself each day the things that make me happy. I know that being married or in a relationship will not control your happiness, not at all. However, having the hope to find someone that I can just share my happiness or simply finding that best friend I can fall in love with, is what I long for now.
SO back to my date, it didn't go so well. I wasn't into the guy, and had to let him know. I have turned other guys away but I had never really thought about it as much as I did this past week. I have no idea why did the dynamics of it impact me so much more now. Anyhow, I took sometime to think about it all. I know that at the same time these past couple of dates in this last year have not worked out for me. However, I am learning to be stronger and know exactly what I want. Regardless of the experience you may think to have, relationships are always a long shot. We are never truly certain of what can truly happen at the end of it all.
The list I have created everyday becomes less and less useful. It's almost as if God is teaching me a lesson. Don't get me wrong girls and boys, it is perfectly fine to have a standard of what you want. But at the end of the day GOD does know exactly what you need. Meanwhile we pick and choose, GOD is sure to not give us something we don't want he will most certainly give us WHAT we NEED. I know that this is what matters to me the most right now. MY flesh make think this is what it needs but GOD is just sitting back and saying to us, "are you really going to trust me to give you what you need?" SO, what i am trying to say is that although I have some earthly traits and qualities I will seek in a man, bottom line is GOD knows what I need now and better yet what I will need in 10 years. I surrender that my LOVE interest to HIM <3 <3
My life continues to shift around, and I know that the only way I will be able to overcome some of these fears will be to put my trust in GOD. I know that I will not give up, just because it hasn't been an easy road for me (as far as relationships) The decisions is made I will face heartaches, but I will take those chances in the name of LOVE. <3
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