Miracle of Love

So, last night I found it so hard to sleep. I had lots of thoughts running through my mind. Part of it has to do with the fact, that I wasn't in my own bed. I stood over my parents house, and for some reason missed my small little apartment. I however, had so much going through my mind that I decided to take a small little scrap of paper I had in my purse and jot some notes down for my blog today. I would have written it last night or more like this AM, but I didn't want to be rude and awake everyone with my typing. Like the character in that movie "UP in the AIR", I feel like I am one of those girls that types with purpose lol. Therefore, I would have annoyed everyone so I had pity and decided not to. So now, I have this little pink piece of paper with all my notes. I have to really make it a habit to carry a note pad for my thoughts. Only because if not I will lose my inspirations and my memory is so bad.

Last night, as I lied in bed, my mind wandered to the times I used to live with my parents. Can I just say, it is all very different. In the past, I never truly was able to see and appreciate the love that as a family we have. I know that my family means the world to me, and that I love them. However, what exactly did that LOVE entail? I now truly understand. For so long, my relationship with my parents was so unclear to me. I knew they loved me but couldn't seem to embrace it. I had a low self esteem as a child and even as a teen and didn't accept love in my life. As I became an adult I realized this, and have since then taken the necessary steps in my life to rid myself of those feelings.

Going back to the night, I see my parents and how they treat each other. So much love towards each other. Here is the thing, I have seen their struggles in their marriage and the many disagreements they had. I was so confused as a child, because I thought if there are disagreements then they can't possibly love each other. Love is supposed to always be happy I thought. YES, I am writing about this, we all know our families are never perfect, things in life don't mean to same to me. Seeing the struggles my parents faced in their relationship, and then my struggle to keep a relationship with them affected my perspective on LOVE. I didn't really believe I wanted to be loved or that I even can be loved. My imperfections prevented me to see the grace found in LOVE. I sought to please everyone because I thought if I please the world it would allow them to love me. Can I just say, I was so wrong. The love that we have learned from CHRIST is by GRACE.

Christ says that as AS HE HAS loved the church we should love ourselves and our brothers. Ouch, that is the KIND of LOVE that I couldn't seem to accept. Every time I experience, see it in my life, or in the lives of others, I can't help but to cry. It is an overwhelming feeling. I can't even explain how it all feels to me. I have asked GOD to not only let me GIVE that love to others, but allow me to accept that LOVE in my life. If there is one verse that everyone has-sss-sss to know is JOHN 3:16 - the fact that because GOD loved me HE was willing to give up his son for me? Even after being a christian for so many years, this verse impacts me when I grasp that LOVE towards my life. You see, we can profess that CHRIST loves us, but in reality are we truly accepting that LOVE from GOD towards that life? IF we did accept it, why do we choose to not walk in that LOVE? Why do we choose to not share that love, and further yet, why do we not choose to apply that LOVE? Love is like faith to me, it requires action. Now, everyone will apply it different, and will act upon it differently but bottom line is in order to feel it you have to receive it. Whether or not, I feel that I deserve that LOVE, it's too late, CHRIST already gave it to me. He knew that our sins would hinder us from completely embracing this love in our lives, so he chose to make that decision before hand so we can have salvation and through salvation accept that LOVE.

I know that my last blogs have been about LOVE, I truly believe that GOD is teaching me a lesson here, I accept it. Remember the greatest miracle we can receive is the gift of LOVE. Everyday we will experience it, as long as we don't ignore it. I love you JESUS. =)