Why do we fear happiness?

So I haven't really accomplished much since my last entry. Sad, I know. I spent my weekend trying to get myself out of bed, and for some reason found it to be the hardest task for myself this weekend. This leads me to question my ability to overcome my internal battles to commit to my plans many times. Why is it that we fear the ability to be happy, to achieve the ultimate goal for ourselves? It's like we almost stop ourselves from being the person we want to be. We questions our motives and intents and wonder if this will even be worth my effort? My entire being knows that in the pit of my soul, I want no more than to be completely successfull and happy. Yet, I happen to find myself being my number 1 enemy. When I am weak, I need to find myself strong in HIM. How am I to find that strength though? How can I open my eyes to see the value I have? I am blindsided by the negative despite my every effort to remain positive and strong. On my own I can't do this.

But it hurts.

But it hurts, that is what I was complaining to my brother as I ran with him this morning. Yes, I ran today, my first day that I not only said I would do this, and did it! It was 9AM and today is my late day at the office, so I get to sleep in a bit. As I layed awake in bed, I was fighting with myself "to run, or not to run?" lol that is the question. Good thing, I listened to my supplicating body telling me, please run. I started off very slow paced, considering I have not ran in some 3 months. My body needs to get back in shape that is for sure. I started like at 10:18AM, we walked fast, then jogged and then walked. I was very out of shape and my I was running out of breathe but I kept walking. All of a sudden I was getting this real sharp pain that I get in my feet, I was so upset, that is what stops me from running sometimes. The pain is this sharp pain, on the bottom but I believe that it's my sneakers. I need to get me a good pair of comfy ones. So, I stopped walking at a point because it was hurting me, but you know what is odd about it all is that when I started joggin it wasn't hurting me as much. Lesson learned: Even when it gets a little painful we have to continue to run. We can't let pain be a setback for our goals. Some areas in our life are rusty, and sometimes when we exercise some bones in our body we realize we haven't really used them. It's not until we use them and put them to function that we can make the best of them. So yes, my feet hurt but I just have to find a way to make them useful and work them! I know that with time, my feet will adjust and the pain will be alleviated. So even when it hurts, keep going!

It hit me again!

So I was in a meeting this afternoon, and while sitting in this meeting I feel a headache forming! I have been overwhelmingly stressing my 'things to do list' in my life. School, work, home, and now a couple of personal goals they all seem to compile one on top of the other, and leave me with my head feeling like it weights a 1000lbs. So not only does this headache make me feel temporarily insane and unable to focus, I have realized that it made me feel so 'unfit" for the many challenging tasks I have set for myself. It's now Day 2 since I've decided that perhaps just perhaps this was "IT" I can't continue to ignore the obvious symptoms for my lack of 'exercise' not to mention 'committment'. I sat down in the meeting, and it hit me, I am so bad at juggling my priorities and it stresses me out. How can I even begin to accomplish all these other goals in life, if I can't even take care of myself. It was like my inner gaby was asking me to take care of her. We consume ourselves with this world and our goals and fail to care for "us" the place where my true strengths will come from. In order for me to keep my heart healthy, open, and clear from making irrational decisions I have to remain at peace and calm. So what does this have to do with running? Glad you asked, in order for me to keep that peace within myself and be 'healthy emotionally' I need to make sure I incorporate that exercise, and commit to my running. Even if I just take 15 minutes a day to start, I will progress. I am not only going to be able but I have to be willing to listen to myself when it's calling out to me. Committing to this exercise will benefit me staying focused in all these goals in life, and not give up when it gets a little tough. If there is one things I have learned through my faith is that God's love for me pours out so that I can make it fill me completely. Allowing me to love myself and realize that GOD wants the best for me always, therefore I shouldn't expect less for myself.

Here we go!

So for some time now I have been trying to accept that I can't always give up on things when they just seem to get tough. I was doing so well over the summer, TRAINING... going to the gym. I was so determined that I wasn't going to give up, and then BOOM, it happens, I DO give up! I automatically get upset and instead of converting that negative energy into something positive I let it drive my enthusiasm away. However, I have to continue to push forward!! So this is me Gaby, beginning all over again. I will hold myself accountable to my performance by blogging. I have found a running trainer, now I have to commit to doing this. In addition to every other goal in my life right now. HERE we go!