Millennial Confessions!

I think that most of us can agree that trying new things, taking risk, is always scary. I know, I know -- we all hear the many inspirational stories of the men and women that accomplished by taking chances, by never giving up. This got me thinking, when I am planning my next move, when I am ready to move forward, what holds be back the most? Granted, I have to say, I have, over time, learned how to better train myself to push past the opposition. What holds me back, temporarily and pushed me to hide behind the shadows of others, is, what if I fail? Something my pastor said last night has been resonating all day. When you fail so many times, it's really not so bad. HA! He is a comedian. So true though, you learn to get back up. Not sure if you can relate with my story, my greatest struggle has been that initial risk. That first jump. There is so much said about young cats my age (yes I said young.) I have read articles, emails, statuses, tweets... you name it. Millennials are this, millennials are that. So I ask my fellow millennials, what are some of your own thoughts? I can tell you about this (me) millennial. I seek purpose and intention in what I do, as a professional. Do I know it all? Do I encounter moments where the two don't always match, indeed. Today I sit and ask myself, what is it that I want to do in life? I want to help people? But how? I have to first identify my skills, and flaws. It's okay, weaknesses are okay and just an FYI friends, it's okay to not be perfect at everything. Going back, so yes, weaknesses and strengths. Identify them in your life. Don't beat yourself up, believe me there is always someone that appears to be smarter than me, they are like my heroes. Did you identify these? Now, let's go back for a second, look at these flaws, what can you do to improve them? Listen, I admit, I am not the best at writing and my grammar, let's just say, not always the best. Does that stop me? Yes, sometimes. Forever? No! I take it with a grain of salt. If you are like, you are probably your worst critic, or best. You got that, now let's continue to identify these and just work on them. It may take some time, I feel your pain or anxiety. Ha! But don't give up. Let me share something, if I have grown in my professional, spiritual, emotional and physical health it has to be because of the people I surround myself with. I am not afraid to be told, you did it wrong, doesn't mean you want someone who will always put you down, but someone who can be honest with you. So, even if it hurts, have mentors by your side that will coach you. Shoutout to my mentor(s) - they are the best! Take it one day at a time. Make mistakes, it's okay. Learn from these mistakes though. Work on your confidence and as I learned last night, this confidence should not be rooted in your success, I mean it's nice and all, but it shouldn't. It should be rooted in love. Knowing that at the end of the day, who you are, is not just about what you do, but what you have within you. Your character and ability to withstand opposition in life. Have a little faith. All will be well. Sincerely a millennial,

Tough to admit.

I admit, it's tough for me to, well admit, when I am not feeling my best. I appreciate my journals, and blogs for that matter. When I can't seem to pin-point what is it that is roaming my mind, I must write. I write, and write. Sometimes, that writing does not use ink, it stays in my thoughts. Today, I decided, let's type. I feel my emotions getting the best of me, and while I struggle to compose myself, sometimes it doesn't feel that easy. It is so much easier sometimes, to move forward, and then you have the bad days. Those days where nothing makes sense, and you have to be okay with this. Days when life takes a toll, and although you know that everything will be okay, your mind plays tricks with you, not reassuring you of this. I have no choice but let it out, I allow for that emotion to come to life, and then I have to crush it. Not so gently because, now, this emotion is causing a bit of anxiety. The ground shakes, your nails get shorter, your nights get longer, and mornings get heavier. What is it about life that can have you in a turmoil, and almost feeling as if, you want to run, just run. Run, perhaps near a beach, where the air is fresh, where the grass is green, where the water flows freely. Absorbs that energy, but you know what, you know it's part of life. One must withstand, and move forward. Be committed to life, even when, living doesn't seem that gentle. Commit to loving thyself, sooooo-much, that no matter what, we will always care and love.

Because gratitude is the expression of Love....

I started writing a status on my facebook and soon realized, this may be a little too long, let me write a blog better. Today in the place we like to temporary call home, earth, there is a celebration of "love" ... or better knows as Valentines Day! So many single folk dread this day, and honestly I can see why. Don't feel bad for single people, while I will embrace love, in all it's forms, I don't lament being single. It really hasn't been that bad (for me) -- it has truly given me a chance to learn so much about me, the people around me, my faith, and last but not least, God's love for me! Yep, my faith is a big part of my life, and it has taught me some valuable lessons. I do have to admit, in the past, I lacked "love" in my life, I had bitterness, and was not living a life in abundance, as I was called to. I hated everyone and everything, (but hid it very well.) I smiled, and (at times) even hugged folks, but deep inside I was full of pain, and hatred. I can't say that my hatred was justifiable, but I had seen some things in life that had washed away the meaning of love, (no I wasn't broken hearted by men) it was just, life happened. So to say that I lived in bitterness, may be actually conservative. Today a few years, after undergoing some spiritual surgery and cleansing, I can say that love reigns in my heart. I have experienced the wonderful, unconditional love from my parents, the not so perfect, I don't agree with them all the time love, but YES unconditional love. I have learned so much to appreciate them for what they have taught me, for loving me till the end, for never giving up on our relationship, Thank you mom and dad for this! I want to thank my brothers who challenge me everyday, keep me on my toes, and in their individual ways always seem to capture my heart, they will always be my favorite men (don't tell this to my future-boo). To my friends/family best-friends, partners in crime, soul-chika-mates, long-life friends, you have never left my side, even when we disagreed and argued, our relationships have always challenged us to love past all those things, love beyond unimaginable measures, love past ways I never even thought I was capable of loving, love is seriously like a rubber-band, it keep stretching. Thank you April, thank you Yoely for being my best-friends for life. I always had a hard time "labeling" relationships, because of my own insecurities, but I can gracefully say you ladies have loved me unconditionally and I am so deeply grateful for this. My DCS, junior high school friends, that boy oh boy did we share so many good moments, Diana, Kary, Aimee -- Diana and Kary thank you for opening your hearts to me, I remember our "friendship letters" we would write to each other, and the many fun, unforgettable moments we shared in school. My cousins that have stood by my side, even when we don't get to talk as much. You were my first best friends teaching me what a "bra" looked like, teaching me what "liking" boys was all about, what would I have done without you? I have to give a shout-out to Sara, you once taught me a valuable lesson about being a "lady" - as you knew being raised with boys, I was kinda of a tom-boy, but one day you told me "Gaby you need to let boys be nice to you", it took me some time Sara, but I think I got what you meant that day. To all my other friends, that have become such a unique treasure in my life that I would never trade for nothing in the world, you ladies, Diana, Jeanine, Crystal, Kimmie, Christina, Ruthy, Nai,Mickie, Denise, Karyn, Matos, - gosh so many ... I have been so blessed with an extended family and you have truly become that in my life. There are so many people I would want to name, and the order of the names really has no meaning. Each and every one of you has impacted me, and walked with me, made sure I don't space out, or continue to teach me so much in life. I know that I can count on you at all times. There have been leaders in my life that have shown me so many characteristics to make me a better person, guided me through my career-choices, through my heart-aches with life, my faith-walk -- I wouldn't be half the leader I am today had it not been for people that invested in me, so for all of this I want to thank you, my childhood pastor, Rev. Jose River (RIP), Robert Reyes, Ralphy, Aida... my teachers that loved me and pushed me - and now the leaders God has blessed me and surround me with love, grace and leadership, Gabriel and Jeanette, along with some loving leaders at The Lambs Church (a place I like to call home, "where life is met with love") that invest in me everyday and teach me something new, thank you!!! I have to recognize my niece and nephews that have brought so much joy and love in my life. If one ever has hesitation of their capabilities of loving, they are destroyed the moments these little people are born. I have experienced a whole new level of love in my life. They make my world spin, and my heart overflow!! I love you little ones, your life is a gift to me. Last but not least, I have to mention the love-of-my-soul, my Jireh, my Nissi, "the Father, Son and Holy Spirit" for loving me and walking through life with me. Enjoy this Valentines Day, my friends, whether you are single, married, unmarried on this day of celebration or any day for that matter, love will always conquer and WIN!!! I love you all!!!