Singlehood: am I fixable?

Singlehood: Am I fixable? Wait, wait, and before you go off on a rampage about "what do you mean am I fixable" hear me out for a few seconds. On my walk to the bus this morning I couldn't help but to think of the many things in my life that I am improving or fixing. Nothing wrong with fixing, I mean life is simply about growing and learning through our mistakes. As I pondered on the different areas of my life, and the many times I have tried to find solutions with steps on how to improve, I couldn't help but to think on the different things I desire for my life at the age of thirty. Not to sound cliché about things, but yes turning 30 was pivotal because the number simply reminded me that I had been on this earth for 30 years, and what have I learned. No, I didn't cry my eyes our or walked around depressed for months dreading the big 30, I was actually excited because I had only good expectations of my coming years. So many lessons that have been learned and opportunities have been presented, but all have been approached with a learning attitude. Haven't we all made mistakes, indeed, but it's not about the mistakes we have made but the lessons we have learned. Some of us will live our lives making mistakes, because we are not perfect, but only some (very few) will choose to learn from these. Learning takes humility, really removing the pride and stubbornness that leads us to believe that we are always right. Hey nothing wrong with a little confidence but when it gets in the way of growing, we should be very concerned. If I wrote all my lessons learned in my life, I would be writing a book... (not a bad idea) because man have I learned a thing here and there about life. I am constantly fascinated with the idea of growth, but challenged with concept of change. Security for me has been my refuge, yet, because of my (loosely throwing this out here) Type A personality at times, it can also get in the way of my ability to settle into wavering challenges. I try with great effort to learn the art of “delayed gratification” so that my present decisions and present struggles are not my life’s monster. Society and culture has a way of imposing limitations and expectations that are not considerate at all of God’s plan for our lives. I have heard so many single ladies like myself that find themselves questioning their purpose because they are simply not in a relationship. Now, don’t get me wrong it is ok to be reflective and take a moment to ponder about one’s life and decisions but no need to be limited to what this world expects from us. So, do I need fixing?... being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus Philippians 1:6. We should seek constant growth, but because you are single doesn’t make you damaged goods. I have seen plenty relationships that are not the healthiest functioning ones, so in the meantime, while GOD is preparing and teaching us in this path; let us not put ourselves down. On the contrary let’s take each moment we face, and learn from it. Take the time to appreciate where you are and go where life wants to take you. Allow for your life to take the course intended for it. Live freely! Be confident that your love and peace comes from above. As I continue to endure this path of singlehood, I continue to find myself more and more appreciative of life and with a greater understanding of what I should value.

Prince of Peace

A person dear to me shared this piece of her life today with a few of her close friends. I couldn't help but to think of the many times we have all faced a loss or pain in our lives. It is because of our faith in GOD and HIS amazing love that so many of us today can really say "ebenezzer" - without a doubt, life will throw us stones, rocks and even boulders but HIS strength see's us through the storm. I encourage you all to not feel alone but confide in your PRINCE of PEACE. With love, I was 10 years old and my parents just announced their divorce to us. It felt like my world just came to a halt. All of my security was pulled out from under me and it felt my world was shattered.My aunt attended a church and pretty soon I tagged along with her to escape from the madness that was my home. It was there that as a little girl I was introduced to Christ .He became my security and what I clung to for hope. He has kept me ever since. He rescued me , kept me from what my life was suppose to be. There have been many more since then. Is there a time you remember God kept you? He was, is and always will be there. I celebrate the peace that brings today. Blessings ladies. This song spoke my heart this morning http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=day2zcDC2bI&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I refuse to identify myself with sin because I realize that I have been redeemed in Christ. It doesn't negate that we will live in constant battle between right and wrong, but I rely and know that HIS LOVE will find a way for me to do right BEFORE HIM. I pray that I never become a self sufficient individual whom fails to remember how alike I am with everyone else. We are called to teach, walk, talk, love, share JESUS so let us do that.

Here I am...

There is so much excitement within me, webster cannot even provide me with words necessary to express myself. I am finally a college graduate and here I am pondering on the great achievements I have obtained. I will admit, I needed to remind myself to cease the moment. I am already too busy, planning my next step without savoring this one. That is a big no-no. I thank GOD for friends that have celebrated with me, and keep me grounded during these times in my life. As I continue to reflect on what led me to graduate or what pushed me to continue, I try to reminisce on what gave me the strength to move on. There were many times within my 12 years journey, that I wanted to give up. I spent these last 2 years, working super hard to earn good grades, to study hard, and learn as much as possible. The growth in my life within these past years, are indescribable. I am not saying I am all done growing but I know that I can say I have learned so much. I also take a look at my parents and how overjoyed they are, I know that they are super proud of my accomplishments, and I know I can never repay them for their sacrifice, coming to this country to give their family a new opportunity. I can see in their eyes the joy, and I am glad today that I can make them proud. So many of us can take for granted the opportunities that exist for us. I am learning to not take life for granted. I don't know what it is, actually I do, there is this joy in my life, that surpasses any disappointments and pains I may have endured in my past. It is my mission to continue to move forward with the task the God has appointed for me. This entire year, thus far, I have received confirmation after confirmation, reassuring me that God has me at the place I need to be. Just yesterday, I met with a group of dreamers that are fighting for their dreams. I can relate simply because I know the struggle and determination it takes. In speaking to them my heart was filled with compassion and enthusiasm as I embark this journey with them. I know that this is the perfect timing. I have been prepared to be where I am. All I can remember is a dream/vision I had several years ago, where in that dream I led many young kids. Never in my wildest dream did I imagine what it meant, and I limited it to what I knew then. Silly me, God's plans were far greater than mine. These dreams I am fighting for, these kids I am going to help, are only a small chunk of HIS plan for my life. I have learned to surrender, little by little. To have faith in this walk, to know that at the end I am simply here to complete my mission. I am here to be of example to the world, and be accountable for each other. I am finding it surprisingly difficult to put words to my emotions right now. I won't lie, there is an inch of my human flesh that is tempted to fear the good that is here but I surrender those emotions. Let this continue to be a lesson to me and you, our plans are no where near God's plans. I am so enamored with the life that I have been given, and despite not always getting what I want, I know for a fact that HE makes sure I will get what I need. It is simple, we must trust and keep moving. Believe me, trusting will be much more difficult some days, but that doesn't mean we won't make it through the day. Humbled by HIS LOVE,

You're so vain..

Sometimes we are so busy looking too far into the future that we forget the present moment. That is one of the problems I faced when starting my diets or better said healthy lifestyle changes. We have to learn to live in the moment, and it is taking note of the present moment that will enable us to embrace the future. Discouragement has knocked at my door, but one thing I am learning to do is fall in love with the person that GOD has created within me. We fail to take note of the who we are and the beauty within us. There has been a very controversial article all over the media about a women writer that has been accused of being vain for writing about the "repercussions" of being a beautiful woman. This morning on the the TODAY show she spoke about how her intent was not to make others see her as this vain person, it was simply to make a statement. However, never did she imagine recieving so much criticism for her article.

It had me thinking..once again about how focused we are on the perception of beauty through the eyes of others. We fail to see beauty through the most important figure in our lives, which is GOD's. I am able to understand everyday more and more the true value of my life because I have come to a complete understanding of the love the GOD has for me. I don't only feel "special" but honored. Honestly, feeling honored is many times more important than simply feeling "special". There is a sense of respect to honor, and if we love and honor the person that we have been created to be then we will truly respect our bodies as GOD has intended for us to do so.

I no longer question the value of my life, because i know that I am loved. I have also been blessed by seeing this love materialize through the lives the of the amazing people I have been surrounded with. This love has not made me vain about my beauty but humble because I was honored by HIS life.

Thank you Jesus for you unconditional love, and for teaching me to love myself first, so then I can love others!

Finding inspiration in my thirties...

Who said turning 30 would be a bummer? Lies, it was all lies. I have experienced nothing but excitement as I embrace this new era of my life. I can freely say that obtaining my degree after what seemed like an eternity was one of my greatest accomplishments at this age. I received my new era in Florida surrounded by warm weather and the beach. I felt so close to nature. It reminded me of what are the things that inspire me. I must confess despite classifying myself as a very logical thinker, I obtain much of my motivation through inspiration, which means there is a very emotional side to me.

I need to focus on what inspires me right now to continue to pursue my goals: travel, weight loss, active participation in helping immigrants, my career, my education... my own family?

Things I need to focus on:

1. My faith - loving GOD above all things!
2. Self-Control
3. Nature
4. Family
5. Friends
6. Loving me
7. Letting go

Finding hope in a hopeless place..

Happy New Years 2012!

I can't believe how fast time has flown, we are now in 2012 ... it seems as if just yesterday I was 19, but we know that is not true. :) Yesterday a friend of mine asked me about my blogging and the fact that I hadn't blogged recently. She was right, I have had so much on my mind but hadn't had the chance to write because of all my school work, aren't I glad that I did today though. My last semester towards my bachelors approaches, in approximately one week I will be done with my semester culminating my bachelors degree, Aleluya! It is a dream come true. It is my reality. For so long I battled about completing this degree, for whatever "non-justifiable" reason I found, in other words making excuses. Truth is, we all encounter times in our lives where we have these dreams, these future goals and plans that seem so far away to us. So far at a distance, that we are to afraid to believe in them because, they are barely visible. It is almost as if these dreams will never happen, and then boom, next thing you know it your dream has become a reality. Now, I ask myself, how exactly did this transition from dream to reality occur for me?

For so long I doubted my ability to achieve this goal. I have to admit at some point I didn't even want it anymore, only because I figured I was better not having it. But in the pit of my being, there was a small, very small chunk, that I was unaware of, that still believed in me and wanted it. I had my fair share of bloopers in my life as we all do, but they are simply lessons learned. I faced some hardships and so many changes in my life that simply made it easy for me to say, "this is too tough, I must quit". I am so glad that I didn't. I thought to myself, I am better off not wanting more for now because I will not manage it. I was wrong and right at the same time. I tell you why, although that time in my life didn't necessarily feel equipped to do it, it was really up to me to make that effort to want it enough to commit to the responsibility.

Looking back, today, I realize these past two years have not been any easier but what was different? Believe me, I had plenty of "good" reasons to say, perhaps this is not my time, or I must simply leave it for later but, I didn't. I was determined to continue. Today as I examine my life, I realize that my efforts were not ineffective they paid off. My emotions weren't always in my favor, staying focused was so difficult and I found myself contemplating complacency in my life, but I stayed determined, I didn't give up.

There is a song from Rihanna that has been flooding the radio, I have to admit I am kind of hooked on it. The title of the song is "We Found Love in a Hopeless Place", what does this have to do with what I was saying earlier, you ask. See, here is the thing. I find that sometimes , this is the truth in our own world we are hopeless because of the troubles we face. According to the thesaurus, hopeless is - "bad, beyond recall, cynical, dejected, demoralized, despairing, desperate, despondent, disconsolate, discouraging, downhearted, fatal, helpless, ill-fated, impossible, impracticable, in despair, incurable, irredeemable, irreparable, past hope, pointless, sad, shot down, sinister, sunk, threatening". Sometimes we can't seem to grapple hope in such a hopeless world not to mention love in a loveless world. There have been times that I have lost hope for myself, for my own life, and for my dreams, but we must not give up on hope. As much as I wanted in the past to give up on my dreams, I am glad I didn't. Here I am almost 12 years later about to finish my degree. It took me twelve years, but I never gave up. I lost hope many times but never gave up. The same applies to any current dreams we may have. I know that it is better to give up and say it will never happen. I will never be happy, I will never achieve my dreams but this isn't true. Don't ever give up. Even I have to remind myself this. We forget how we made it to our goals once we achieve them, but glad I was able to take this moment to reflect and remember what I had to go through in life in order to get here. There were many obstacles but I am grateful because I was always given the strength to continue believing. Believe in love, find hope in a hopeless place.