Barefoot.

"What is wrong with my bare feet? I like walking barefooted." A Guatemalan, indigenous woman asked "Why do we need to wear shoes, why is it that when people visit us they want to put shoes on our feet? Is there something wrong with me not having shoes, I like to walk barefooted." As this woman walked in her bare feet, she seemed at peace, she seemed happy, shoes didn't make her happy. She couldn't understand why other people aren't happy that she doesn't wear their shoes. It's so easy for me walk in my own shoes, and see life only my own way. Do I ever bother to put on the shoes of others? As I was ready to call it a night, and after I published this blog, in bed I wondered about what I had written,in tears I decided, I must add to this. All I can think about is the images of the many people I met, the stories I heard. So many times, we think we know what others have gone through and we really don't know. We don't even bother to ask or care because our society has taught us not to care, or simply have no time to care. During this trip, I was intentional of not assuming to know what the people of Guatemala go through. I purposely tossed any idea I had of Guatemalans, and made it a point to listen to them and try to walk in their shoes. I don't think I can survive a day in their shoes, but I attempted to. Even the few days I spent with them, I barely slipped on the shoe, and I can feel the pain burdening my heart. I am asleep in bed, not a perfect life, but not worrying about my lands being seized by large cane sugar companies or mining companies wanting to build mines where I plant my next meal. I can only reflect on the many miles they had to walk, literally and metaphorically. Can I even walk barefooted, endure the pain of this path? While listening to klove, Scott, spoke about Syria, and the tragedies this country is facing. We pray for this country, pray for peace, and protection. I won't attempt to discuss or debate on what has been going on because honestly I don't know enough. However, one thing Scott did point out was the story of Jesus, how Jesus became man to walk in our feet, Jesus didn't bring us his own shoes, and imposed them on us, he simply, came to this world as man but GOD and set the example. If only we committed our lives to walk in the shoes of others, understand their pains, and journey with them, I wonder how different this world would be. May her story inspire me to understand to respect the path that others have walked, never undermine their story, because we all have our own stories, and love on people. Respect People. Fight for Justice.

Simple things (post Guatemala trip)

I recently returned from my mission trip to Guatemala. I have to elaborate so much more on the details of my trip, however, I arrived a week ago and I am still internalizing my entire experience. In the meantime I keep writing the traditional "journaling" way. I did want to talk about "simple things" in life. One of my greatest internal conflicts has been this fight about what I have seen over the last 31 years of my life versus what I experienced in 3 weeks. What I thought to be valuable is not even in the radar of so many people I met. We are consumed by the latest fashion, the biggest house, the highest payed salary, etc, you get the point? Nothing wrong with being ambitious and wanting more in life, or is there? I walked through these very simple towns in Guatemala, in the Quiche region, one of the areas most affected by the internal conflicts of guerilla and military. In an area where so many people were massacred, I couldn't help but to think about their lives, their stories. I saw these stores called "pacas" that sold, all this "american" fashion, oh how they long to be like us. All I can really do is yell within me, and say no! Don't get me wrong, not because I don't love my country (US) but because we have it all twisted. We get in debt to stay in fashion, to have the latest car, even the best education. To them, we are the greatest. I couldn't help but to stare out at the lands they had. The beautiful flowers, the green mountains, the running rivers, the small street vendors, the older person smiling saying "buenos dias" to me. The beauty in these things, oh the beauty. The simple walk in town, where the little old lady on the corner is trying to sell me fresh fruit, chopped and ready to eat. The simple walk in town, where all of a sudden we are stuck in traffic because there is music coming from the streets, school bands playing in a parade, all these kids, singing and dancing. All I can do is cry, yes, cry because it's these simple things that fill my heart. In a town where so much pain was endured, they still found joy in the little things. That night the group of ladies that were traveling with me were ready for bed, I felt the bed I would sleep in and with so much excitement yelled, oh yes a nice and comfy bed, with a "fluffy" pillow, tonight I will sleep like a baby. I was wrong, I didn't sleep. At 2:00AM I heard firecrackers and folks serenading with "marimbas" a traditional Guatemalan music. I laughed, I said, there goes my sleep. They partied all right, partied so much I didn't sleep that night, lol. All these small stories makes me rethink about what I appreciate in life, I won't lie I certainly appreciated silence at night hahaha. No but really, I was inspired to value more in life, not because of what these families didn't have,because in many cases most of them have never probably seen all the things we fill our apartments with, that in reality put very little use to. They valued other things in life, they value the water from the rivers, the lands that brings them food, the air that fills their lungs. These simple but important things, that we take for granted. These mayan speaking families, protect these lands with their lives, and have lost their lives because it's all they know.

I ask myself, what are the things in life that really matter and I dare ask you, what are some things in your life, that really matter?

Resiliency: pursuing your own dreams.

Things are stirring within me. I think some of you will relate to how I am feeling. If you are an independent person, born sometime within this century, I know you will understand where I am coming from. I have to be very honest with you, I don't do well sharing all my emotions hmm, pretty much all the time. I can articulate other topics but my emotions, boy oh boy is that tough. I can see my friends read this and nod firmly in approval. I have chosen to write about this today, because although, this is not a common blog post for even me, I have felt the need to embrace every stage in my life as I am learning an intentional dependency on God. Now to my non-church folk, I am so sorry this will probably make even less sense to you.

Dependency, what is that? I know, so hard for us these days to know the balance. A child of immigrant parents, becoming independent is probably a prerequisite for us. My parents traveled from Guatemala, and all I can remember is them working hard, hard work all the time, everyday, no excuses. Never did my parents give up. Resiliency should have a picture of my parents in the dictionary because honestly that's all I can think of when I see that. So I sit here thinking, what was my parents dreams? What drove them to be so resilient and endure hardships in their life? How come they were able to cross the border, that's right they did that. Overcome language barriers and some stereotypes of who they were and what they came to do to this country. Learned, a new culture, a new language, left their families in Guatemala and all of this for what? My parents were resilient. I think about my life, my own struggles and what I have done to reach my goals. I have to say, I fall so short to their resilience. I think about my own dreams, and the many times I feel like giving up, and say, where is my resilience? Not saying I haven't endured my own challenges in life, however, all I can sit right now, and say to myself is Gaby where is your dream, and are you resilient? It's easy to push others to their dreams, but what stops us from pushing our own?

Recently my dreams have been pretty out of the ordinary. I will be the first to admit to this. I guess, it really doesn't make any sense, at least to the measure of my standards of "common sense" - I can't help but to meditate on the words that were shared with us by my pastor on Sunday. What forms my thinking? Why am I so challenged to not embrace this dream, I am dreaming. My heart is beating fast and it's a love that doesn't make sense in my mind, but my heart and soul are at peace, as I think about this dream. It is these things that go agains our human nature, and I challenge myself because I ask, how can I be possibly think that this will work? By this I mean "dream" - I know right now this all may sound like crazy talk, you see what I mean? I am learning though, I don't have it mastered yet, but I am sure learning. Even if it seems crazy, push your dreams, don't let anything get in the way, especially not yourself, and your powerful logic. I know that all my logical thinkers can appreciate this. What your mind cannot see, let your heart embrace.

Ministry and Faith

My heart grows weary at times because my humanity interferes with what my heart is longing for. It is so hard to explain in word, especially I am too busy trying to think out every word I write. However, I will try to write freely now. It has been almost 8 months since I left a full time job with full benefits. I look back and think, I must have been crazy. Don't get me wrong this doesn't take away from the fact that I am very happy with the experience and things I have learned these past few months. I am learning a complete dependency on GOD, while still struggling to drown the "me" voice that is naturally planning the next move. Just today I walked and reflected on the struggle within my soul. That heart breaking struggle between letting go, or just simply moving on. My trust is on God, and I want to take this opportunity to remind myself on how faithful God has been. I have seen him provide for me time, after time. I am so humbled by this. Living in this unknown but trusting is a great feeling, unless your human tendency to control starts speaking louder. It is then that my life gets a little scary. Balancing my ministry life, and unwrapping what this even means to me, is scary. Exciting to now know what is inside the gift wrap, but nervous because what if you make not like it. One of the toughest areas for me has to be balancing between both. Or should I balance? Listening to my heart when in speaks, and knowing that I am not alone in this. I know that although it is rare, it has been done. People do find it important to live their lives teaching others, and inspiring others for change. I can't doubt what has been given to me, my confidence should always be kept high and when it isn't I should pray, and pray. I have no choice at times but to write, then pray. I forget how easily I can get wrapped up in life, even when I am not working a traditional job, and then I am screwed. I am screwed because my heart feels the weight of the fear, I simply must trust. Continue to believe despite my flesh telling me otherwise, believe despite the fear, believe despite the unclarity of it all. I choose to believe, and find my refuge in the confidence I have built through God. This has all been a learning process, and so many people surrender so much to live their dream, this is my dream. This is what I love. Help me God, balance all.

Connecting....

Tuesday January 8, 2013. Yesterday was an interesting day. As I sat in the couch writing before I left, I realized my life will not fall on my laps. I must go out and search and work, so that the purpose intended for my life is kept moving. I went into the community in the Lower East Side with a friend from church and was able to give some clothes to a deaf community in my area. The need of the people around me, is sometimes more real than we ever notice. I know that in my heart I just wished I can do everything to change the world, but it must start with one act of kindness. Connecting with the community where my church is was and is very important for me so that I can understand the need of those around me. Today, I continued to ponder on the great things that I am in faith believing for myself. I know that so many of these decisions in life are not ones that come to us easily but I have found peace in the many things I am believing for myself. I know that I am limited with how much I know of the future but I assure myself that if I continue to trust, believe and hope it will all be okay. I am committed to serving and making a difference little by little, one by one. Good night,

The beginning - appreciating the simple things in life today.

So many will say their resolutions for this year, meanwhile all I can do is think about the things that I have already let go of since last year. I want to invite you to journey with me as I embark a new time in my life. I won't spoil the story by telling you all the detail up front, but it's a story of how everyday I will commit to the happiness in daily living. I have been blogging for some time, but never really had a purpose for writing. I simply wanted to jot down my thoughts. In my longing to become a writer, of some sort, I decided to put some of my ideas on this blog. Today I find myself letting go of all I had known life to be, and risking my stability to find what I love in life the most. The funny thing of it all is that my decision didn't start this year, this has been a ripple effect of acts of surrender and obedience since last year. At the age of 30, I had decided to continue to live my life, but with purpose, with intent. Let me tell you, it is much easier said than done. To commit to finding what life is meant for, yet I searched in the wrong places. I had it all figured out, or so I assumed. I finally had graduated from college, after 10 years. I had a financially stable job, with great benefits, so what would in heavens earth push me to let it go? So many will ask, not many know. I want to share with the world, my story, as I journey through my path of purpose. During my journey I know that so much of my past will surface because I am continuously inspired by those around me, and my past experiences. Monday January 7th, 2013 - Today I will take some time to go to church and set some things up, while I also take some time to appreciate the simple things in life. I have committed to every day living it at peace, and with purpose. I am excited to be able to reconnect with some friends these past few days, friends that I hadn't seen in a long while. I am reminded through their friendship and love, what life is about. Let's make it count, make today count. I will be back later to write about how my day went. Talk to you later.