So far, yet so close.

Regardless of what goals we have, we all come across moments where we seem so far yet so close to them. Recently, I posted a status on my facebook about how it is when I am the closest to my goals that I feel the farthest. For some time now I have been aiming to become a healthier eater and shed off some pounds, to be honest. I need to be able to lose some weight and so far I know that I have been able to shed some of it off but I feel as if, regardless of what I do, no change is seen. What a struggle we have many times in life, everything seems to require some amount of faith in order for us to believe it. I stand at a cross roads and I need to tell myself, you must continue. You mustn't let your eyes deceive you because it is when we feel like we can't that we actually really can. It is in my weakness that GOD's strength can be manifested.

I may not always know my strength and I may sometimes look at my situation and say I will never see change but I need to remain positive. I won't be able to see the fruits of my efforts unless I persevere. Without perseverance we will lose out on seeing the results of all our efforts. Never, ever give up. Regardless of what negative thought may come into your mind, you must stand against it in God's name and claim your goal. It is not enough to write it down, we must also act upon it. People didn't make headlines by just dreaming, no one is able to read your mind. WE must act upon our dreams and goals and persevere so that others may see with their own eyes.

Today, I want to claim victory in our lives. May we stand strong against negativity. Let us not allow discouragement to take over our dreams. Whatever time it may take, whatever cost it will have, let us be willing to persevere and overcome the obstacles that we may see. Let not our eyes deviate us but let our hearts guide us. I know that it is our time to do what we need to do. Stand strong against adversity and stand your ground. I know that I will see the results and that regardless of what may come my way I will stick to my goals.

We'll make it happen. =)

It all started...

Yesterday in church, during worship the girls sang the song "If not for your grace" by New Breed. This amazing gift that was given to us called grace, that we are so unworthy of, started this sequence of events almost as if the Lord was paving the way for today. We are not always aware of what our life is being called for, we try for so long to figure out and sort things out in life. All I can think about yesterday was the grace of God and how it is enough. How, yes in the midst of whatever we face, we will be emotionally hurt, angry, frustrated, perhaps even confused but at the end of it all it is HIS GRACE that sustains us through it all. Can I just say the LOVE of GOD never fails to amaze me.

So today I walk in the office, and I can see how the LORD had the agenda pretty much prepared for me. I sit down and work besides one of my interns, whom for sometime now I have been praying for. These are girls that have gone through some things in life, and because of such have failed to see the true value of their life. Because of this they have taken some wrong turns in life, and struggle to keep their heads up high and they fail to see the LOVE that has been given to them, the amazing job that GOD has done to create each and one of us. Something led me to talk to her, and I won't get into details about our conversation but all I can say is that my heart was opened to an entire new world out there. I was never completely unaware of the needs of others, but it is when we have gone through our bits of hardships that we can truly become aware of the struggles of those around us. The one thing that I kept noticing is how low this young lady's self esteem was. I prayed for discernment as I spoke with her, and all I saw was the pain in her eyes. I was able to encourage her with some words, and intend to keep her in my prayers.

Not too long after, right in front of our office there were some teenagers (gangs) that were causing some chaos in the street. I looked out the window and was taken by surprise at the violence that was being displayed before my eyes. OK, so yes I have been exposed through the media about gangs and violence but never in my life had I seen this in front of my own eyes. I was in shock, a bit dramatic you may think, but it was just I was painfully shocked to see how these kids, almost babies were treating each other. Let's not go too far, it quickly reminded me of how much we hurt each other. We are so quick to take a stab at our brother's back, to push him down. How painful is that. Imagine I was not the parents of these children and it broke my heart how they had so much hatred and violence in their faces. How can we live in a world with so much hate and violence? Young kids, barely men and already being introduced into this world as savages. Not knowing that there is so much more to this life. My questions right away came, my mind was bombarded with the why's, how's, who's... all these questions on what has led these children to behave with such evil.

I know that this world is so corrupt, but can my light still shine in the midst of this darkness? My personal belief is well sure, without a doubt. Next question to myself is, How can I make that light shine? How can I help another see the transforming power of GOD, the ability to change our own course of life for the better. How can you break those chains from the past? I have no doubt in my mind and heart that we are able to overcome these times of evil. Matthew 5:13-16:You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? ... You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hid... Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. We fail to see what GOD can do through us, we give up on our own selves. We lose hope in what we are able to do, and it is when we start failing to see the amazing job that GOD as he created us that we become available to the evil in this world.

You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s own people, that you may declare the wonderful deeds of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. Once you were no people but now you are God’s people; once you had not received God’s mercy but now you have received mercy. (1 Peter 2:9-10) Don't ever fail to see who YOU are. Perhaps there is not much you can do right now to save the entire world, but hey look at the bright side, it was taken cared of by the big man JESUS. All we are called to do is believe in who we are, the value, the price that was placed for our lives. They talk about what are the things we value the most and all I can think of is, how simply beautiful GOD created me. Well aren't we a little boastful Gaby you may say, but NO that is not my intention. I only intend to acknowledge the wonderful job that GOD did with me. Listen, if you see a painting that is a masterpiece do you not admire it and give it it's praise? We are the creation of GOD, we ought to praise the creator for simply doing a fine job with us. Not to say we are perfect, but we are beautiful. Any imperfections that you may be aware of, are simply a sign of maturity and an opportunity for you to fix it. Our sins, flaws, imperfections are not revealed to destroy us, but to restore us.

Bunch of things

I guess the title of my blog will make sense as you read the content of it. Last week, Friday, I have to say that I broke down. Why, you may ask? Here is the thing, so much has happened in this year, and as 2010 is ending I am realizing how much has truly occurred. OK, so I got a little off, that is not what I wanted to say. Back to Friday night, I was so stressed over this disgusting flu that was not leaving me. *cough cough.. yes I still am not completely well but I feel my body adjusting so much better. I had missed almost 4 days of work, and as incredibly exciting as that sounds, I was frustrated because I was unable to get anything done. I was worried about finishing up sorting the things in my apartment (from the move) and was so concerned about the homework, finals and papers that needed to be completed for school. I allowed myself to become overwhelmed with doubt and disappointment. Funny thing is one of the classes I was studying for was regarding our "coping" mechanisms and how sometimes we catastrophize the situation more than what we should. I tell you, thankfully my friend knocked some sense into me and I was able to regain my control and speak sternly to myself.

This leads to my next thought, I know that we encounter so much in our life. This past year as I mentioned briefly above, has not only brought me laughter but many tears along the way. I guess part of life is being able to go through all those moments and not ever lose hope that at the end all is for the purpose that has been destine from us from our divine father. Between trying to stay hopeful about our love lives, obtaining those good grades at school, keeping a good professional standing at work and trying to rebuild our relationship with GOD, we can say we become overwhelmed sometimes. In the path I have had to remind myself that if it wasn't for GOD I wouldn't make it, so I best make sure I involved HIM all the way down the path I have in front of me.

School continues to be a great priority in my life, and I have seen how much it has really benefited me. I am at 90 credits and I have never felt such an excitement about accomplishing a goal as I am starting to feel. I know that I am not done yet, but I sure do have my eyes set on the prize that lies ahead for me. I am seeking the LORD for guidance as far as my career goes, and honestly I am feeling the vision clear up. I still believe that there are some plans unknown to me, that truly I am excited to not know of. I only pray that I can continue to envision the bigger picture and keep myself focused. I am thankful for the relationships that have become stronger in my life and pray for those that have weakened. I continue to work on the areas in my life that need work but am thankful of what I have been able to accomplish. This came to my mind 2 days ago: "face your fears in order to defeat it". There is no way on earth that we will be able to accomplish or overcome those areas in our life that we struggle unless we face them. Don't be afraid of doing and aiming for the high goals. I continue to aim to become a certain size by next year, and little by little I will get there. So far, I have lost almost 25lbs. I know that I have so much to go, but I have learned that persistency is the key. Don't give up, look at the "fear" in the face and move forward. It is never too late, as long as you are willing.

Dare to dream...

Deep down inside of us we are all dreamers. As I grew up, something about the real world hit me. Something about "reality" made me become no so much of a dreamer. The world that I had seen as mine had been shattered by the cruelty of life. How boring and scary, can that become. I lived a rigid life, not seeing beyond what could possibly happen, I didn't allow myself to see past what was ahead of me or worse yet what I had left behind me. Truth is, we will never live in a perfect world, things will happen, some of which will not be pleasant and some even devastating. I allowed all these feelings of fear to create in me a syndrome commonly knowns as "control freak syndrome" I wanted to make sure that whatever I was able to control, I did. I felt like living a life of fairy tale would only mean I would have to live by "faith" and that means I would pretty much allow for life to take it's course trusting God. As a child, I had no idea what that meant and when I say "child" I am merely talking of about a couple years back because I was so far from understanding what faith truly meant. I am not no expert now, don't get me wrong. However, I am learning to let go little by little. My fear of suffering from "failure" or other's "failing" me, was not the healthiest approach for my heart. I know that perfection is far from my vocabulary, and although I don't aim to be perfect I do aim to be better.

Joyce Meyers says, I am not where I need to be but (and I add) I sure ain't where I used to be. There are many things in life, I don't think I will ever completely understand. Things happen, we face moments whens we realize that the things that used to work for us no longer work for us. As devastating as our world may feel, shattered as things may appear, we cannot let the pain to mold us into becoming this person that won't allow to live life to the fullest. I know that it is scary to dream, because there is always that factor of "what if it doesn't happen?" But life is all about taking those risks because of the dream we have, that dream that no longer only is a dream but now becomes a goal. I know that not everything that I want or "dream" about I will get, but if I don't take the risk of first "dreaming" I will not see past what exist in front of me. I have learned that people that accomplished things in life, those that have seen their life blossom to another level, were people that just dared to dream. God seeks people that envision something past what is ahead of them, and that is what I pray to become.

My faith has if anything taught me to see beyond what the "naked eye" can see, if it wasn't for that mere spark of hope, I think we would always drown ourselves by the disappointments that life and this world can bring to us. Feeling this way, was not something I was born with, or maybe yes. Who knows, all I know is that yesterday I didn't feel this way. Even when I went to sleep I had this sadness, but in the morning I was able to see the light of the situation. I had to really put my life in perspective, and know that whatever situation I am facing it is not something that will kill my dream. If your dream is to love, if your dream is to become an astronaut then don't be afraid to dream it. I can't be afraid to be happy and want more. We can't disregard that all our plans should align with those of God's but we can just leave that up to him. In the process keep dreaming, in the process don't stop believing. I know that life seems a bit much right now, I know that things don't always make sense, but I have to keep believing the promises that have been set for me. So, regardless of how cloudy the sky may seem right now, I know the sun is somewhere behind those clouds and sooner or later it is bound to come out!

An ambassador of HIS love...

My heart is torn. My boss was fired last week and I didn't realize how much it has impacted me until this week. I work for the Admissions Office at a school that provides the community with free training. I thank God for allowing me to come to this job, I know without a doubt that it was in his plan for me to be here. However, ever since I started working here I have noticed the animosity and constant war that occurs within the departments. I never knew how serious all this was, until my boss got fired. She was given a two week notice, and has been extremely strong by still coming to work these weeks and doing her job regardless.

As I knelt down in prayer tonight, I prayed and cried. Although, many of us many not see our jobs and the people we work with important, as christians every person that comes across our path is important. For me it was my boss. If there is one thing I have always asked GOD is to let me be a small light even in the my job. Many times we can get caught up with life and forget the reason for our existence. Ambition, pride and greed can get in the way sometimes. I am not saying that we shouldn't want to achieve more and become successful but my concern is where is our heart in all this? I am so disappointed in the person that fired my boss because as much as I didn't want to believe that he was this person that had such bad motives even after constantly shouting to the world that he is this christian man that goes to church. I know that I am no one to judge and those are not my intentions. However, based on the time I have been working with this organization I have come to terms that many people have lost sight on the mission of our organization and their life. We are a community based organization that is supposed to be for the people. Our best interest should be those around us that are struggling to make in it life and as christian and leaders even in our jobs we need to make sure we are reflecting the wisdom and love that God has given, as King Solomon did.

For three years I have been working at this office and never had I spoken up at one of our meetings. However, this past Tuesday I felt the urge to express my concerns. I know that everyone looked at me and must have been so shocked. But my heart is torn, because of what we have become and the injustice. Even as a nation we have lost sight of what is important in this world. And I was so heart broken when out of the mouth of the people the are supposed to be the leaders of this organization came out words that reflected no compassion for those struggling. I reminded those in the meeting that at one point we needed someone to lift us up and give us a word of encouragement and that is what we should be doing. I know that we think that sometimes we don't need to make a difference in our workplace, after all it's just a job. That is not true, it's especially at our jobs that we should reflect who GOD is. We are accountable for our decisions and to be a light unto the world.

As I prayed tonight, all I can do is cry and then as the Spirit ministered to my heart I realized what the LORD was trying to show me. I cried because I thought about how I know that I don't have the "title" or "position" to be of influence or so I thought. But in that moment the LORD let me feel that it is that anointing that he pours over us, what really matters! Not to say that we won't become successful in this world, and aim to become whomever GOD want's us to be. As a matter of fact I encourage you to strive for more. May the LORD place his people in strategic places, that will get to the hearts of all. I pray to GOD that HE may strengthen me to finish my education and appoint me where I will be of impact to the world. That is it, I cried before the LORD!! I realized "LORD all I want to do will not be for my glory, it will be to glorify YOUR name." "To become an ambassador of your love." That everywhere I go, be it with my coworker, with my family or my friends that despite my imperfections I may be a true example of your LOVE. After all, this is the reason why we were created, to share the love of our creator. As I continue to grow spiritually, and in all the areas of my life, all I want to make sure is that in the end the NAME OF GOD will be glorified. And YES that is the purpose and should be the motivation for us to strive to become the powerful person that GOD wants us to be. We want to be able to change the lives of others around us because of that LOVE that GOD has given to us.

It's the LOVE of GOD that has us where we are, and I pray that the same LOVE that GOD has shown us we may show unto the world. So whether, you are a bus driver, clerk, administrator, Lawyer, doctor, artist, actor, mother, father, brother, student, or whatever role GOD has given us, or that we have chosen, be sure to always give GOD the glory. That through every success in our life, it may some how reflect the love of GOD. That is my goal, if anything I know it will motivate me to do what GOD want's me to do! So today make the decision to spread the LOVE of GOD and ask yourself "am I being an Ambassador of God's Love?"

Taking life for granted.

I woke up yesterday with all these mixed feelings about my second 5K race for the year. After being sick for this whole week I was not feeling too prepared for this one. However, I went ahead and for some reason I still managed to be nervous. Whatever could have gone wrong for the race, went wrong. My train was delayed, then there was no train service. Yup, it all seemed to be working against my favor. Not a good start to my run, but I was still determined to get this done. When I arrive, I find myself in a very disorganized race. How disappointing. I went off on my own because everyone seemed to be so scattered,honestly I wasn't surprised because I was told that some races are the same, we learn to pick the right ones.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed my run in central park. I had forgotten my IPOD and had no music, so ran all natural. Despite all these obstacles I managed to enjoy my run because every time I do run I find myself learning so much about how to discipline myself. Yesterday despite getting me buying a nice pair of Saucony sneakers, I still felt strong burning pain in my feet. :( I am now considering some biking and running. I need to mix up my cardio work out to manage to lose some more weight and make it lighter on my feet. So, at the end of my run I experience what now seems to be my the highlight of this weekend.

As I waited for my cousin to meet me, I noticed a bunch of cones on the floor and bunch of people with their running number on their chest. Funny thing was that while I was running I kept noticing signs to for another race that was also being held in central park. Curious to find out what was going on, I stood around watching as the many fellow new yorkers ran. Well, my question was answered All of a sudden I hear it, hundreds of footsteps, thump thump thump, and then I see them. There were hundreds of people running. I noticed the diversity, tall, short, men, women, black, white, and brown. So many people all just determined to make it through this race. I quickly felt my adrenaline rise, and a tinkle in my feet. I wanted to go right next to them running I held back, well for obvious reasons. jejej.

Then I cried. I stood watching every runner pass by me I saw a man that was in a wheel chair. This man despite his "impediment" was managing to accomplish his goal. He is not letting his "condition" stop him from doing what he wants to do. All these thoughts raced through my mind, and then I cried again because the greatest moment of realization hit me. I have complained for so many years about all these things that I want to do in life yet let so much get in the way and detour me. I take life for granted and never really appreciate what I have because I am too busy complaining about what I don't have and wish to have.

In life, many times, we just go on without being thankful for the things that GOD has provided us with. He has formed us so perfectly and created us with such amazing abilities. When we become used to seeing something everyday we tend to forget to thank GOD for it. Our health is one of those "miracles" of life that we fail to thank GOD for everyday. After seeing this man in this wheel chair running I realized, I have my legs, I have my health, and I am accountable before GOD in making sure that I will take care of this body.

As women we become asphyxiated we the meaning of beauty but to me one of the most important factor for us to stay beautiful is keeping up and loving your health. In order for me to reflect confidence about my exterior appearance I need to feel beautiful from the inside. I can't tell you how much I have learned since yesterday about the importance of beauty and health. I continue to thank GOD for my health and have vowed to take care of my body so that I can have the necessary energy to accomplish the many goals in life.

Remember we can't take life for granted, it's a gift so take care of it.

Poem - Dear America

Dear America,

Are we a commodity to you!? Why do ignore us despite our efforts to try to be like you. Our only longing is to be as free as you are, is that so bad? Do you really think we swam through lakes, hid in dark wagons to just betray you and not commit to you? Why do you insist on kicking us out? What have we done to hurt you? Why is there so much chaos in this world, seems like everyone is against us staying together. Your friends raise laws to push us out, never see you again! Is it a crime to want to be happy, and just enjoy life as you have? I promise to fight and make you proud but please don't kick me out. Things were yes a little bumpy, I wasn't sure you would want me here. I thought just maybe that when you saw my devotion to you, and how hard I was working, that you would change your mind. But, NO it seems to never change. I want to believe that it will all be okay. I want to trust that in the end we will stay together and be free. Wear your stripes and stars, and sing about this "freedom" song, I have heard others sing. Please don't kick me out, its true what they say, " you don't know what you have, until you lose it" don't let it be too late for us, don't let your friends keep us apart. We believe in you and know that we will be together at the end.

Your Lover.

Miracle of Love

So, last night I found it so hard to sleep. I had lots of thoughts running through my mind. Part of it has to do with the fact, that I wasn't in my own bed. I stood over my parents house, and for some reason missed my small little apartment. I however, had so much going through my mind that I decided to take a small little scrap of paper I had in my purse and jot some notes down for my blog today. I would have written it last night or more like this AM, but I didn't want to be rude and awake everyone with my typing. Like the character in that movie "UP in the AIR", I feel like I am one of those girls that types with purpose lol. Therefore, I would have annoyed everyone so I had pity and decided not to. So now, I have this little pink piece of paper with all my notes. I have to really make it a habit to carry a note pad for my thoughts. Only because if not I will lose my inspirations and my memory is so bad.

Last night, as I lied in bed, my mind wandered to the times I used to live with my parents. Can I just say, it is all very different. In the past, I never truly was able to see and appreciate the love that as a family we have. I know that my family means the world to me, and that I love them. However, what exactly did that LOVE entail? I now truly understand. For so long, my relationship with my parents was so unclear to me. I knew they loved me but couldn't seem to embrace it. I had a low self esteem as a child and even as a teen and didn't accept love in my life. As I became an adult I realized this, and have since then taken the necessary steps in my life to rid myself of those feelings.

Going back to the night, I see my parents and how they treat each other. So much love towards each other. Here is the thing, I have seen their struggles in their marriage and the many disagreements they had. I was so confused as a child, because I thought if there are disagreements then they can't possibly love each other. Love is supposed to always be happy I thought. YES, I am writing about this, we all know our families are never perfect, things in life don't mean to same to me. Seeing the struggles my parents faced in their relationship, and then my struggle to keep a relationship with them affected my perspective on LOVE. I didn't really believe I wanted to be loved or that I even can be loved. My imperfections prevented me to see the grace found in LOVE. I sought to please everyone because I thought if I please the world it would allow them to love me. Can I just say, I was so wrong. The love that we have learned from CHRIST is by GRACE.

Christ says that as AS HE HAS loved the church we should love ourselves and our brothers. Ouch, that is the KIND of LOVE that I couldn't seem to accept. Every time I experience, see it in my life, or in the lives of others, I can't help but to cry. It is an overwhelming feeling. I can't even explain how it all feels to me. I have asked GOD to not only let me GIVE that love to others, but allow me to accept that LOVE in my life. If there is one verse that everyone has-sss-sss to know is JOHN 3:16 - the fact that because GOD loved me HE was willing to give up his son for me? Even after being a christian for so many years, this verse impacts me when I grasp that LOVE towards my life. You see, we can profess that CHRIST loves us, but in reality are we truly accepting that LOVE from GOD towards that life? IF we did accept it, why do we choose to not walk in that LOVE? Why do we choose to not share that love, and further yet, why do we not choose to apply that LOVE? Love is like faith to me, it requires action. Now, everyone will apply it different, and will act upon it differently but bottom line is in order to feel it you have to receive it. Whether or not, I feel that I deserve that LOVE, it's too late, CHRIST already gave it to me. He knew that our sins would hinder us from completely embracing this love in our lives, so he chose to make that decision before hand so we can have salvation and through salvation accept that LOVE.

I know that my last blogs have been about LOVE, I truly believe that GOD is teaching me a lesson here, I accept it. Remember the greatest miracle we can receive is the gift of LOVE. Everyday we will experience it, as long as we don't ignore it. I love you JESUS. =)

In the name of Love...

I know that there are many things that we may think we already know. I think sometimes because, "oh I am finally a certain age" I should know all the answers, but surprise, surprise I am far from knowing anything. Actually, it's no big surprise, because truth is I know that at the end of the day I know nothing. Life is filled with surprises, and sometimes I think I have it all figured out and than BOOM it does not happen that way.

For example, I went on a blind date this week. I had it all pretty much under control, according to me. I had spoken to this guy a couple of times, I was like ok he seems down to earth. I had compared it to "MY LIST" (please note: I will make reference to this "LIST" again) so I was like he's pretty nice, funny, seems smart, not bad looking, of age and pretty normal. Yes, I had a generic list of qualities that I always look for. Come on, don't we all? I figured if I at least have a standard template of what qualities I am interested in then I will be at least weeding out the possibilities of meeting a crazy jerk.

No offense to the male population, sometimes our actions just give off as one of crazy jerk. I won't judge though. Dating, has not been in my agenda for a long time. And it's is because of the fear of having to meet some frogs that I have detained from even attempting to date. I have to say that I am extremely rusty, I won't even lie. After my first and last relationship, I realized how much I had to really focus on some areas in my life, and somehow blocked out the "dating" world for so long. I admit that this was not the best thing for me to do.

So what happens now I am 28, and still single. Don't get me wrong it's a bittersweet time in my life. I enjoy being single, I really do. I am not miserable and depressed at all. However, have my needs and priorities have now changed. SO very much they have. I am no longer seeing life, the way I used to see it. I have also learned so much about myself in my time alone, that I am also admitting to myself each day the things that make me happy. I know that being married or in a relationship will not control your happiness, not at all. However, having the hope to find someone that I can just share my happiness or simply finding that best friend I can fall in love with, is what I long for now.

SO back to my date, it didn't go so well. I wasn't into the guy, and had to let him know. I have turned other guys away but I had never really thought about it as much as I did this past week. I have no idea why did the dynamics of it impact me so much more now. Anyhow, I took sometime to think about it all. I know that at the same time these past couple of dates in this last year have not worked out for me. However, I am learning to be stronger and know exactly what I want. Regardless of the experience you may think to have, relationships are always a long shot. We are never truly certain of what can truly happen at the end of it all.

The list I have created everyday becomes less and less useful. It's almost as if God is teaching me a lesson. Don't get me wrong girls and boys, it is perfectly fine to have a standard of what you want. But at the end of the day GOD does know exactly what you need. Meanwhile we pick and choose, GOD is sure to not give us something we don't want he will most certainly give us WHAT we NEED. I know that this is what matters to me the most right now. MY flesh make think this is what it needs but GOD is just sitting back and saying to us, "are you really going to trust me to give you what you need?" SO, what i am trying to say is that although I have some earthly traits and qualities I will seek in a man, bottom line is GOD knows what I need now and better yet what I will need in 10 years. I surrender that my LOVE interest to HIM <3 <3

My life continues to shift around, and I know that the only way I will be able to overcome some of these fears will be to put my trust in GOD. I know that I will not give up, just because it hasn't been an easy road for me (as far as relationships) The decisions is made I will face heartaches, but I will take those chances in the name of LOVE. <3

L-O-V-E

Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Many times I have wondered, what is it with LOVE that keeps us believing without seeing. I will speak from the heart here. I know that many woman once they hit a certain age struggle accepting that GOD still has control over the relationships that we will build upon and what will come out of them. I know that our generation continues to evolve, and marriage has become a challenge to many. For many reason I find that our generation thinks much more before getting married. Reasons may vary, some woman have been hurt, some woman insist on accomplishing there goals and others just are disappointed with past relationships they have seen or been a part off.

I know that it is hard to believe in something you thought was real and then somehow that image was destroyed. Many use the word "I love you" without knowing the true meaning of it. There is a perfect example in Christ of Love. I have to say that because of CHRIST I have been able to understand the true meaning of love. This morning I began to read, because something about the phrase "LOVE is hopeful" had me going for days. I know that sometimes fear will knock at our doors, especially when we see that things may not be turning out the way we presumed they would. Sure, we are human and that will create some uncertainty. In my lifetime I have seen a number of heartbreaks I have seen other say they love each other and hurt each other. I have to admit that was my basis for love before, I took in what others experiences were and thought well if this is "LOVE" then I am not interested.

(Understand this is hard to admit) I remained with a negative mindset and told myself that regardless of what I saw, I wouldn't want to fall in love. Even when I was in a relationship I wanted to love but found that I was limiting my heart and like the bible says "my heart was far from it". For years I didn't know what was it in my heart that didn't let me accept this LOVE, or further yet give it. Oh, and don't get me wrong I love my friends and family but somehow it was very limited. I was so afraid to give it all in, not because I wouldn't get it in return but because I thought if I keep it at a distance then it wouldn't be the LOVE that I saw in so many people the one I didn't want to experience.It is so important for us to be that perfect example of LOVE that JESUS asks us to be.

These past 3 years of my life have been the most crucial I feel. Things I never was able to see, I now see. Things I never was able to feel, I feel now. Things I never knew existed, exist NOW to me. The fear try to still haunt me but I continue to abandon those fears, I have made a choice. Joyce Meyers says that to LOVE is a decision we make in our relationships. Different from falling in love. I have decided to love, and despite what bias, logical reasons my mind may try to put before me to prevent me from loving completely, I will love unconditionally or try to follow the example left by Jesus. Love is hopeful, and it perseveres. We can't lose hope because like my top verses says: without hope your heart will become sick. I want my love to be like that tree full of life, full of hope!

Love awakens.

Several things have occurred to me during these past few days. I will try to organize my thoughts without getting myself or you lost. Foremost, I have to make a confession, I had a piece of cake, bad Gaby. I know, I feel so bad, nevertheless I continue to do my fast. This has been the best thing I have done thus far, can I just say. Without noticing, I have been awakened from a deep sleep. I call it sleep because I was almost falling into this dead routine, coma. How boring can that get? I am definitely an advocate for personal security. However, many times in our lives we use "security" as an excuse to not take risks and do certain things that may require a little more faith than other situations. It's in those moments, when we are challenged with the how's and why's, and we have no idea how will we even accomplish our goals or ambitions that we need to go ahead and not be such a coward.

Am I saying that certain routines are not good, indeed they are. Some routines are intended to keep us on track with life. However, as a christian I ask myself, what am I doing to make a difference? Has my life become a religious routine? Yes, okay... it's great to be a good citizen, a good child, a responsible adult, an awesome human being. But, what impact am I leaving on the lives of others, more importantly how am I impacting my own life. I was sitting by the pier near my job and kept asking myself how will I want to be remembered? As this nice, responsible person and that is it? What is GOD challenging me to do that I have not yet made a step forward to pursue. Perhaps I like to live my life on the edge, so call me a daredevil please!!

A friend asked me yesterday.. when we were discussing about me being comfortable, "but are you really comfortable?' Wow! I was like, what.. huh? .. NO, I am not comfortable because in my heart this is not all I want to do. I know that God has promised to be with me till the end, and I have to trust that. How can I live my life to the fullest if I am too busy trying to build constraints around myself. Am I my own barricade? I can't continue to lie to myself and say " oh but I am ok" .. is this how my life is intended to be? Just ok? Just surviving? Hmm.. I don't know, I just can't find myself embracing that idea. So, yes we will face hardships, failures, and some very crappy days, but it's all necessary. It has been during those crappy, unwanted days that I have learned so much. My biggest blessing during those moments have been being able to get up from the floor, remove the dust from my shoes and keep pressing forward. You see, we were never promised a perfect life, all we were promised was peace.

Ahhhhhh (the noise when we drink a nice glass of water after running) there is nothing more refreshing to my soul, than being able to breathe, see,and feel that peace. That peace of GOD that surpasses all understanding. You are darn right it surpasses all understanding because when life seems to not make sense at all, knowing that we can just trust in GOD makes no sense to me, but it works! There is just so much going on in my mind, and heart. From how to change the world one grain at a time, to how to improve my life, one book at a time. What does my heart truly desire? (another question asked by my friend) He really made me reflect! So I will be writing another blog in details about that topic. But yes in order to define, and find clarity on the mission that GOD has set forth in my life I have to find what are my hearts desires, and align them with the will of God in my life.

Because I know that is important to pursue the things that I am passionate about and not just talk about them but be involved, I decided to participate in the immigration reform rally that was held in DC this past Sunday. I was so moved by the amount of people that were there. They were all representing a part of the this country that is struggling with unjust laws that are breaking apart families in our country.

Is it really such a bad thing?

this picture says how I feel right now.

Good or bad, not sure.

One week exactly.

So it's been one week since my fast started. I have to say that as time has passed by I am not so concerned about the fact that I have let go of cakes, candy and other sweets that I included in my list. I know that this may not be the case in 3 weeks, or when I am face to face with that cupcake goliath Grrrr. lol However, I do not plan on surrendering. I do plan on adding some other things to this small list of mine, perhaps after my 40 day fast I can commit to letting go of other things that are no good for me.

I am learning through this process that there are things that we sometimes hold on to, without realizing that we can actually live without them. We seem to hold on to all these "comfort" foods, moments, memories, and even people because we think this is what will make us happy at the end. We think without "this" we won't survive, and yet I continue to learn that my sanity will not rest on "these worldly" material things. We have to remember that even people (because we are imperfect) will fail us, so instead we will rest only on the LORD. I may not know what tomorrow will bring but I do know what today has promised. So as another day goes by and I am able to commit to this "routine" I have incorporated, I plan to continue to learn whatever I need to learn, slowly but surely. <3

Just one little try - Lent Day 4

Not to say that one little try will hinder you completely in your goal but I was tested today and can say with pride that I passed the test. I was already debating when I arrived to my friends house about the "cake" that was possibly going to be present at this gathering. I was telling myself, perhaps just one little try won't do me any harm. Disregarding the fact that this is a commitment I made to GOD and myself. It's those moments when we even contemplate the thought of one little try. It's that little try, that may lead us into the big fall. I sat in the couch saying to myself, hmmm maybe it won't even matter. I can't even believe i contemplated it. I was actually real happy to hear that I wasn't alone. That made it easier for me to say NO, and keep moving right along with the night. Without any worries of the cake creeping up, and telling me to eat it. We are in only day 4 but already I feel so much is happening, I know that a change is occurring and I can't wait for the end of this and the beginning of something else new.

Process - Lent Day 3

"What are you willing to do to get to where you want to get? " I just read a devotional about Abraham, and then heard a small message from TD JAKES, which got me thinking. In life, we don't always realize that there are things we have to give up in order to accomplish a goal. Yesterday I blogged about breaking bad habits and how difficult it becomes. Today I am focused on more the things the "somewhat pain" we feel in letting go the things that hold us back. Those things that hold us back can be memories, bad habits, certain people, or even ourselves. There are areas in our lives that we need to commit to changing or things we have to commit on removing in order for us to get to our destination. It's all a process, a perhaps not easy process but necessary for sure. I want to sometimes let go of many things because it has become so difficult but that is not the way to go about that situation. I have not yet pin pointed what are the things that hold me back from getting to where i need to get but I know that there are somethings that do get in the way. I want to be able to see a change "from the inside out" como dice Hillsong United. We cannot become content to just seeing the goal from far, seeing the victory from far. We have to get close to it. Reach for it. Never become afraid of he distance that may appear before us, that is just the process, which is necessary for our lives. All we can do is believe, and not lose hope for sure.

Lent Day 2 - Breaking bad habits.

I find it easier to pick up an old habit and leave behind the new habits I try to start in my life. Today I realized even more, how difficult it may be to say NO to something that is not even good for me. Peter shares something with us in Romans 7 - For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. there is so much truth in this verse that is relevant to what I am writing about. I find it so much easier to take the easy road to life. It is precisely that which we are warned about. We cannot live our lives just carrying on with the things that are not good for us. If we want to see changes in our lives then, we need to carry out the good that our soul truly desires for us. God does not command us to live a mediocre life. He wants us to enjoy it to the fullest, live it to our finest. If there is anything I will do is learn to identify the other bad habits in my life that need to be broken. The only way that I will be able to accomplish this is putting GOD before anything. So foremost, is our relationship with GOD, so he can then enable us to pursue the rest.

Lent Day 1

Today was the first day for Lent, and our pastors from church have asked us if we would like to fast from something during this time as well. I know that last year I had thought about doing this but never did commit to giving something up. Funny thing is that this morning, April emailed me asking me about this and I was like, OK this is meant to be lol. So after some thought I have decided to give up some specific foods: cakes, cookies and candy. I know that this is the start of the other goal that I have for myself. This is my second day back at the gym, and I have promised to myself that I would stop making excuses and do what I need to do. So part of my commitment to this fast from the foods I mentioned, I will also write everyday in my blog. I know that it's also remembering the sacrifice that Christ did for us. Our minimal sacrifice will never ever equal to the sacrifice done for us by Christ. I hope that in this process I may not only be able to rid of the earthly struggles that I deal with, but also bring me closer everyday in my relationship with GOD. I more than ever need his guidance in my life, and strength to not get lost in the midst of all I am doing.

Change of heart.

I know that I am guilty of allowing a disappointing event in my life to destroy my moral about pursuing a goal. Does that make any sense? But it's clearly nothing more than an excuse I have created in my mind to justify my lack of effort to make a change. I won't even try to justify my poor attitude and need to blame others for my effortless attempts. If I want to see a change in my life (specifically in my physical activity) I need to be able to move on, and not allow myself to be drowned by the pettiness of the situation. (As I am writing I am hearing, "Don't stop believing") And find that sometimes we fail to believe in ourselves because pain and hurt opens a door for insecurity, which subsequently leads to not believing that we can achieve our goals. If there is anything I have learned in these past few days is that, I have to just do what makes me happy. And change whatever it is that doesn't make me happy. I have been given this gift of life to be able to enjoy and make the best of it. Therefore, if I want to see change in my physical I need to make a change in my heart. No more excuses, it shall be done.

Seems like forever.

I know that I haven't been blogging like I should. Seems to me that I just can't seem to find the time to even write anymore. Recently I purchased a new MAC and think I won't be skipping out on my blogging anymore. I know that even though the goal of this blog was to record my efforts in running, I may have to adjust my blogging to my struggle in becoming physically active once again. I have been so short of breathe and not to mention the pictures. I have not even made an attempt to really workout, I had started kickboxing classes but seems to me like I never have time and the strength. I know that its just about making the effort and determination, but I seem to lack of that recently. I have to get my life together as far as my "exercise" and not continue to make all these excuses for myself. Today I found that I was having the worst stomach pains, I am not even sure what it is. NO excuses though, that's for sure. I will continue to write down my continues efforts to really make this change once again. Although, it seems like it's been forever, I will be more conscious and make an effort to get back on track.